I know most of the right questions and even some of the answers.
But every once in a while as I'm merrily (or even not-so-merrily) swinging
along, I look out ahead of me into the distance and what do I see? I see another
trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty and I know, in that place in me that
knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my
growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that, for me
to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar and move to the
new one.
Each time it happens to me I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to let go of
my old bar completely before I grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know
that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar and, for some moment in time,
I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar.
Each time, I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous
hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. I am each time
afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the
bottomless chasm between bars. I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of
what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance
policy, but you do it anyway because somehow to keep hanging on to that old bar
is no longer on the list of alternatives. So, for an eternity that can last a
microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the
past is gone, the future is not yet here."
It's called "transition." I have come to believe that this
transition is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not
the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get
punched.
I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a
"no-thing," a noplace between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was
real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real, too. But the void
in between? Is that just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that must be
gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible?
NO! What a wasted opportunity that would be. I have a sneaking suspicion that
the transition zone is the only real thing and the bars are illusions we dream
up to avoid the void where the real change, the real growth, occurs for us.
Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our
lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes,
with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can (but
not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most
growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.
"We cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight
of the shore."
--Anonymous
So, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away,
but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang out" in the
transition between trapezes. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any
bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really
happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening in the true sense of
the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly.
From the book Warriors of the Heart by Danaan Parry.
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