Now those who know
me well might not be surprised at this. After all, I do spend an
inordinate amount of time swimming around in the deep waters of the
unconscious. But after the initial shock of learning I had a barnacle,
I was greatly relieved. I didn’t have cancer. My worst fears were not
realized.
There’s something
about being prepared that allows us to accept whatever comes a little
more readily. It’s those unexpected jolts that really throw us
off-center. When change comes suddenly, “out of the blue,” with no time
to prepare, we don’t know how to respond. We may feel paralyzed or lost
or find ourselves reacting in ways that seem contrary to our nature…or
just plain contrary.
Change is
inevitable and can come upon us as suddenly as a strong March wind. And
“no one has power over the wind to restrain the wind” (Ecclesiastes
8:8a). But boy do we ever try to restrain the winds of change!
How do you respond
when jolted by an unwanted change in your life? Do you fight
against it, withstand it, or let it carry you away? What anchors you
when the winds of change swirl around you? How do you know when to let
go?
In a time of transition eight years ago, before I accepted the call to work at Richmond Hill, I felt a deep desire to
integrate what I chose to do for a living with who I was becoming. The change taking place within me produced a series
of dreams about tornados. (Talk about winds of change!) These dreams took
place over a period of months and document my transformation.
What must be
changed, I thought, was the work that I did. Surely my life’s work
should be more meaningful and fulfilling than it was. Yet in my first
dream I sought safety from a tornado by diving under my desk. My dream was showing me my
resistance to giving up a secure job for the insecurity of the unknown.
In this same dream I was later encouraged by a
co-worker to go downstairs, where I braced myself in a doorframe. Something was
encouraging me to go deeper into the unconscious. Was I preparing to
leave?
In the next dream,
I was driving somewhere and had to dive out of the car into a ditch as a tornado headed straight for me. My car landed on top of me,
shielding me from the storm. In this dream I could see I was finally going
somewhere, but was I holding on to the sense of security and protection of my lifestyle or ego, symbolized by the car? Was I being told to "ditch" my "vehicle" or my way of getting around in the world?
In the last dream,
I secured myself under a staircase, even pulling others to safety with me, as the building turned around me.
According to Jung, “staircases symbolize the process of psychic
transformation in which the contents of the unconscious are brought
into conscious awareness.” In the dream, after surviving this tornado I went outside and saw a little girl and boy, both crying and trembling with fear, while others threw fruit and vegetables to orphans passing by on a train. I comforted the little girl in the dream, and suddenly she became me. She even told me her name was Mimi. This dream showed me that I needed to
recognize and embrace my own fear and feelings of inferiority, and the
deeply held belief that I had nothing to give.
When I finally began to follow
my heart's calling, the dreams of tornados ended. But this was just the beginning of a long and arduous process of becoming. I'm not there yet and the journey is not easy. It can even be treacherous. But it is definitely worth the risk.
Change is inevitable. Be prepared. It might sting a little (or a lot) but trust the process. All shall be well….
Mimi Weaver
March 1, 2007
“The wind blows
where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know
where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is
born of the Spirit.” (John 3:8)
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